Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
