My friends, they love my intelligence
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Congratulations! We have a period
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