She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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