last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
