I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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