Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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