Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Omg I joined a choir last night...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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