rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
