i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
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I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
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We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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