Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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