I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
