She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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