No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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