you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
