apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
