I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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