I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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