So drunk its hurt
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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