i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize