He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
