1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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