her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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