I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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