Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
