Midget sex pt 2 tonight
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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