dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
