so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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