in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
