Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
