I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
