I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
