Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
