she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
