i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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