at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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