I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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