You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
