That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
