i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
