my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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