i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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