the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
