At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I love you.
Bad choice
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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