Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Randomize
