he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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