Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
