We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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