The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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