i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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