I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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