Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
