I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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