do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
