Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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