never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Randomize
