just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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