I'm lost and stupid without you.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
