Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
