I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
