how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
