I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
