Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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