Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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