I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
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I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
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You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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