so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Randomize
