I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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