My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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